


We Only Attack Ourselves

by e_winterfells



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 03:56:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3595410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/e_winterfells/pseuds/e_winterfells
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Getting rid of everything good in your life isn't sacrifice. It's self-destruction." Clarke and Lexa meet again. Set sometime post 2x15.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Only Attack Ourselves

"You left us to be slaughtered."

Lexa turned cooly towards the door, "Clarke."

She was beaten and bloodied, and looked ready to slit her throat in one swipe. But most importantly, Clarke Griffin was alive.

" _Gon yo we_!" Lexa snapped, and the other grounders nodded silently, tidying their maps and making for the door, "I believe Clarke wishes to speak in private."

"I don't care where we speak, Lexa. If your people wish to hear of your crimes, so be it."   
  
The Commander paused, "I see you've shown true strength."  
  
"Why? Because I'm not dead?" She took a step forward, her grip tightening around the knife sheathed in her pocket, "Because you thought you could betray my people and never face me again?"   
  
"You saved your people, Clarke. That's all that matters."

"I killed everyone in that mountain, Lexa!" Her eyes darkened, "I murdered children, families, and revolutionaries. I've killed the innocent. Their blood is on my hands because of you, yet I'm the one that has to live with it."  
  
"Clarke - "  
   
"No," Her voice lowered to a growl, "You don't get to speak to me."  
   
A rigid silence hung in the air, as if each were daring the other to speak first. Hot beads of sweat trickled down Clarke's forehead and stung her eyes, but her gaze didn't waver. She looked different somehow, Lexa thought, perhaps hardened by pain and now numbed by her own guilt.  
  
Outside, grounders shouted in broken words, and a slender breeze rustled the drapes that shielded the entry. It was nearly midday; faint tendrils of sunlight crept through the tented walls and stretched across the floor. Lexa studied her face further.   
  
"You poisoned them," She spoke quietly, realization tracing her features with subtle disbelief, "You radiated the mountain, didn't you?"  
  
"My heart showed no sign of weakness,  _Commander,"_ Clarke hesitated, "I took no mercy."  
  
Lexa heard her own words echo in Clarke's voice. Where she had spoken with admiration, Clarke spoke with contempt, the warmth and desire now fouled by bitterness and disgust. It stung.  
  
"Then you did what you must to save your people, same as me."  
  
"We are not the same," She said, "I wouldn't abandon my allies on the battlefield. I wouldn't take a deal from the same men who tortured my people. And I wouldn't leave you to die, even now."  
  
"And does that make me heartless?"  
  
"No," Clarke shook her head, a cruel smile spread on her lips, "You were already heartless. This makes you a coward, Lexa. This makes you weak _._ "   
  
Lexa's voice halted in her throat, weight shifting from one foot to the other as her eyes glistened with unshed tears.  
  
"Go home, Clarke," She spat.  
  
"I can't. I see their faces and I see all the things I've done. I see all the people I've hurt, and suddenly I can't breathe. I can't live with myself. And unlike you, Lexa, I care."  
  
Lexa swallowed hard, "Why are you here, Clarke of the Sky People?"  
  
Clarke studied her for a moment; she watched the way Lexa's fingers fidgeted with the hilt of her sword, and the ragged rise and fall of her chest as she struggled to keep her facade.  
  
"Tell me why you did what you did."  
  
Lexa said nothing. Yet Clarke pressed forward, her voice falling to a hush, "If you cared about me, Lexa, if you trusted me, then why would you abandon my people? Why would you leave us to die?"  
  
"This was never your battle, Clarke," She hissed, "You started this war, then sent my people to perish. Ten of my warriors would have died for every one of yours."  
  
"We don't know that for sure."  
  
"It doesn't matter," She looked away, "I can't change what I did. But this is war, and with war we must have sacrifice."  
  
Clarke shook her head, stepping forward to hold her gaze again, "Getting rid of everything good in your life isn't sacrifice. It's self-destruction. You blame yourself for the deaths of your people, you throw yourself into battle with complete disregard for your own life, and alienate anyone that dares to get close."  
  
"I'm a leader, Clarke."  
  
"So am I. But there's more to life than sacrifice. We're still allowed to feel, Lexa. It's how we'll survive."  
  
She inhaled sharply, swatting at the mutinous tear that had slid down her cheek, "Not anymore," Her shoulders stiffened, "I can't feel for you, Clarke."  
  
"But you already do," Clarke murmured. Her eyes flicked up to Lexa's for confirmation, but the girl refused to meet her stare, "Lexa - "  
  
"Go home. Your people need their leader, just as mine need theirs."  
  
Clarke stepped back slowly. The sun still flickered through the tented walls, and the faint breeze nudged open the drapes, as if it were gently guiding her out the door. She could still hear the grounders outside, but they sounded more distant now, more foreign. She didn't belong here.  
  
Lexa watched the girl retreat until the horizon engulfed her silhouette, until the trees rose up with their willowy arms and shielded her from view. Her anger burned like a dark curse tainted by desire. None of this was fair.  
  
But love was still weakness. And she still wasn't ready to surrender.  
  
No, not yet.

**Author's Note:**

> After 2x15, the possibility for a fic like this was too much to resist. However, this is the first time I've written for these characters, so all feedback is truly appreciated, especially as I continue to grapple with characterization. Thanks for reading!


End file.
